Miracles

For those of you who don't know, I am working as an STC in the snack shack at Word of Life Island this summer. 

I absolutely love working in the snack shack. I love the girls I work with and I love every last customer even when they take half a century to decide what kind of ice cream they want. I just love it.

There is one job that I just despise.
This job makes my heart sink.
It makes me stop in my tracks for a moment.
It makes me want to curl into a ball on the floor...

Getting the ice cream out of the freezer...

The freezer is a dark place. I'm pretty sure Satan lives in there. It's so cold it freezes the phlem in the back of your throat. It's so sad it causes the happiest of hearts to fall into a deep and lonely depression. However, even in the darkest places, God can perform miracles. I don't care how silly this story may seem, I witnessed a miracle in the freezer.

About 2 weeks ago my supervisor told me that I needed to go get some ice cream out of the freezer. She said "go get 3 chocolate chip cookie dough and 2 mint chocolate chip." As my heart sank I gave a big fake smile and said "okay, I can do this." 

I walked the short distance to the kitchen; trying to mentally prepare for the task that was at hand. As I grabbed the wobbly red wagon that would hold the giant containers of ice cream I let out a few last deep breaths.

I walked slowly into the refrigerator and shut the door behind me. I walked towards the next door that would lead to the freezer. I see a thin layer of ice creeping around the edges of the door. I take one last breath and open the door.

I frantically run around in the dark freezer, digging through dozens and dozens of containers of ice cream. Looking for two labels "Mint chocolate chip" and "cookie dough." I search and search but all I see is "chocolate" and "vanilla" and "butter pecan." Finally after minutes of searching I see the beautiful words "chocolate chip cookie dough." I grab 2 containers because that's all that I can hold. I run out of the freezer and out of the refrigerator to the gimpy red wagon. I take a few seconds to compose myself then I go back for round 2.

I know where the last container of chocolate chip cookie dough is so I grad it immediately and set it on an empty part of a shelf so I won't lose it. I need to find 2 more containers of ice cream. The cold is burning my skin. The liquid in my nose is freezing my nostrils shut. I dig through the heavy containers of ice cream. "chocolate... Coffee... strawberry." 5 minutes go by... "vanilla, sherbert..." and finally "mint chocolate chip" but there is only one. I need 2 of them. I've already checked just about everywhere. I hold onto that thought as I once again sprint out of the freezer and into the warm kitchen. I set the containers of ice cream on the wagon and try to compose myself for my final trip to the freezer.

Almost in tears I walk back into the refrigerator. The food prep girls are laughing at me. I see the freezer door but I can't bring myself to open the door. I'm almost certain there is no mint chocolate chip ice cream in there. I've been searching for it this whole time. I walk over to the freezer door and just stand there for a moment. I pray to God out loud "God, I can't find this ice cream anywhere. It's too cold in there, I can't do it. Please help me... I need you to show me the ice cream." I open the door and quickly run into the freezer, ready to start digging through dozens of heavy containers. I look at the messy pile of containers and right in the front, with the label facing me is the mint chocolate chip ice cream. "THANK YOU, JESUS" I scream to the empty freezer.

I run out of the freezer and out of the refrigerator in pure awe. I yell to the food prep girls "I prayed to God and He put the ice cream right in front." I ignore their strange looks and run to the little red wagon. "thank you, Jesus... You are so cool" I truly just witnessed a miracle.

I think it's so cool that God cares about such little things that don't seem important to us. He still performs little miracles. He still shows Himself to us everyday. God is always with us... even in the valley of the shadow of death... or in this case... the freezer. 

I'm ready!

     I'm definately not the first person in the world to go through this, I'm sure every high school graduate on their way to a far away college goes through something similar.

I'm definately going to miss my family. We don't always get along the greatest but we love eachother. I'm pretty sure life isn't going to be even half as amusing without them. I'll miss lame jokes with my mom. I'll miss Beccas long stories that don't usually have a point to them. I'll miss Sarah always putting her limbs all over me when I'm trying to relax. I'll miss laughing at how ghetto our family is with Rachel. Oh, and I'll miss singing and dancing with my dog, Miley, because she's part of the family too!

I'm going to miss my friends too.
I'll miss old camp stories with my engineer friends.
I'll miss hearing about "the cute boys" with my middleschool friends.
I'll miss regroups and deep discussions with my college friends.
I'll miss being offended and made fun of by my heathen friends.

Part of me just wants time to stand still. I just want to stay in this moment for the rest of my life... Because that means I'll be home. With my family just down the stairs and my friends just a few miles away.

In 13 days I have to grow up. I have to be independent. I have to leave my life behind me.
But you know what? I'm ready. I really am.

What the Heck am I doing with my life?

 Over a year ago God placed the burden of human sex trafficking on my heart. I thought for the longest time that He was going to use me in some way to help the women and children who have been put through trafficking, prostitution, rape, etc.

This burden was taking over my whole being. The fact that there are people out there who could take advantage of another human being in that way was something I just couldn't stand; something I can't stand.

A couple months ago, I went on a mission trip to Jamaica. We did puppet shows in the schools and I completely fell in love with the children. For the last couple months I thought that God was trying to show me that I was meant to work with children and NOT victims of human trafficking.

In a few Middle Eastern African countries there are about as many children as there are adults. Think about it. A person can only be a child for about 18 years, right? And people can live to be 90 years old sometimes. The sad truth is that many African people die as children. I really thought that I was meant to do something about this... I had no idea what I was suposed to do though. I strongly believe that with my extreme squeem and shakiness that God does NOT want me to do anything that involves giving people vaccinations and any other medical help. So how else was I suposed to do something about this? The truth is, I'm not going to be a doctor! There isn't much I can do to treat the sicknesses people face in poor countries like the Congo and Uganda.

I don't blame God for all the confusion I've had to deal with the last few months. He's been screaming at me to listen to Him and I've been too busy listening to what I THINK He is telling me.

It sickens me to think that I actually tried to convince myself that human sex trafficking was something too big for me. It was something that I couldn't handle emotionally. It was.... endless excuses! What happened to "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."?

I feel that God wants me to work with victims of human trafficking; especially with children who have gone through this hell on earth. This is definately a blurred vision but I'm seeing things so much clearer.

Going to Jamaica was one of the best experiences I have ever had. God didn't mean for it to cause me so much confusion. He meant for it to open my mind to grow deeper in my ministry. My stupid human nature is just so good at ignoring what God has placed right in front of me.

1 Dress 100 Days!

Some of you may already know about the project that Me, my sister and my friend are going to be starting... But for those of you who don't, I'm going to tell you.

We are going to wear 1 dress (2 of the exact same dresses so we can wash them) for 100 days.

Why are we doing this? Because we are raising money to help victims of human trafficking. Human trafficking is an issue that God has layed very heavy on my heart... I desparately want to do something to help.

Think if it kind of like a marathon... You know how people donate money when people run marathons? Well this isn't much different... just think of it like a marathon with a dress :)
We chose the idea of wearing a dress for 100 days for a few reasons....
It's something not a lot of people think of! It's definately a different kind of fundraising....
It's a reminder! The dress is a reminder to us who are wearing it that we need to be praying for these people... a lot of them children... who are put into human sex trafficking.

Let me explain this a little more...
We got this idea from people who did it previously....
The uniform Project: http://www.theuniformproject.com/year1/ Where a woman wore the same dress for an entire year to raise money to get kids in other countries into school.
1 Dress 100 Days: http://misselainious.com/the-100-days/ where a girl wore a dress for 100 days to raise money for orphans.

If you didn't click the link, you are probably still wondering why we would want to look the same every singe day for over 3 months... We wont! We will look different every single day! I will post pictures of my sister and I every day during the 100 days.

I will be setting up online paying methods so you can donate right online.

The reason I'm writing about this now is I really want whoever reads this to consider donating to this cause. Our goal is still being decided but I will post it soon!

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask :)

Awakening

I wrote this sestina for my AP English class last year. I got a B.... but I edited the end so maybe it's A worthy now :)

If you don't know what a Sestina is, it's a poem where the last word of each line gets repeated in a specific order in the next line... So the words: Girl, hands, hearts, bones, children and innocence are always the last words, except for the last clump, and I'm not gonna explain that one, because I barely even understood :)

Here I am, your little girl.
I reach out my hands
And try to touch corrupt hearts
of such dry bones.
Once your cherished children,
Now with loss of innocence.

With loss of innocence
I went astray, your little girl,
With many sheeplike children.
Infection and disease caught my once pure hands.
Sickness spread to my bones,
Piercing my heart.

Piercing my heart
Was the want of the innocence
That had escaped my flesh and bones.
Sanctify me! I cry, your little girl.
Wash away the dirt from my hands
And save the hearts of Your children.

"Save these children"
Cries my aching heart.
Speak, that they may wash their hands.
Lost is our innocence.
My purpose, your little girl,
To awaken sleeping bones?

Awaken – first – my decaying bones
So I may join the army of your chosen children.
A warrior, your little girl,
among the strongest of hearts.
Untouchable innocence.
Oh! Give me clean hands.

Will they ever reach full cleanliness, the hands?
 We wash them to the bones.
There is still lack of innocence.
 God, save us, your children;
 The evil in our hearts
 Separates You from me, your little girl.

God, move in the hearts of your children.
One day the hands will be white as snow on every boy and girl.
One day we will all be clothed in innocence and you will raise the dry bones.

Middle schoolers :)

I love middle schoolers! They are so ridiculous all the time...
When I see the middle schoolers I look back about 5 or 6 years and ask myself "was I ever this ridiculous?"

I helped with the middle school share N care on Sunday night. For those of you who don't know what that is; it's basically just a time to hang out and sing songs and play games. I'm just going to share some of the rediculousness of middle schoolers and remember when I was a middle schooler... which is kind of a scary thought.

While we were eating pizza the girls started making fun of one of the boys because a girl at camp had a crush on him and was apparently "instantly in love" with him. Later, one of the girls gave me some details about what went on in the girls cabin and said "everytime someone started talking about anything, it would some how turn into a conversation about boys." I laughed and told her that it was the same when I was in middle school.
She then asked "does it get better in high school?"
I told her that most people mature but there are still high schoolers that can't stop talking about boys.

I look back at middle school and think that it was so crazy for me and my friends to be "in love" with these immature middle school boys. I honestly don't remember liking anyone in middle school but that may just be because I would rather forget those awkward years ;)

Another one of the middle schoolers was running around rapping F-A-N-A-T-I-C... FANATIC and I really just wanted to ask him if he even knew the definition of the word, but I refrained.

Now I will tell you about some things I remember from middle school... (warning, major immaturity):

I was pretty shy when I was in middle school but when I was with my friends, I was obnoxious. I remember one year at camp me and my friends decided that it was cool to eat the candy from the snack shack off the dirt and lick trees... Yeah, I wish I was kidding. We did this the whole week and thought we were the coolest people in the world.

Sleep overs absolutely had to have truth or dare played at some point or the whole night was a failure.

If you talked to a boy it meant that you were in love with him, and even if you weren't, your friends would somehow convince you that "you are meant to be together." ... yeah, 2 middle schoolers dating... Ooh, you gonna go sit at the lunch table together? Seriously!!!

Forgiveness Under My Skin.

I am not known for being a rebelious person. I didn't care what my family said about tattoos, I wanted one. I was 18, after all. One of my best friends and I had been planning on skipping our senior all nighter to go and get tattoos.
My mom had talked to our pastor, some of her friends and even looked up some stuff on the internet about whether or not tattoos were acceptable in the Bible. To her dismay our pastor told him that there is nothing in the Bible that says getting a tattoo is a sin, especially if I'm getting a tattoo that shows the goodness of God.
My mom was still dead set against me getting a tattoo. She refused to take me to a tattoo parlor, or to the bank. She wouln't even tell me where my birth certificate was.
I wasn't going to let this stop me. The day after graduation Leah and I were looking up different tattoo places and decided that places like "pain for sale" didn't sound so welcoming. We decided that screaming needle was where we were going to get inked :)
Neither Leah or I could drive at the time and since our parents weren't completely supportive we decided to start calling friends to see if they would be willing to take us to get our tattoos. Mary came to our rescue! She, Leah and my other friend Nikki came to my house and picked me and my friend Jill up.
When we got to screaming needle we talked to some tattoo people and showed them our birth certificates and stuff so they could see that we were old enough to get tattoos without parents permission. Leah went first. She got a beautiful tattoo of a tree and the verse Jeremiah 17:8 which is one of my favorite verses... and obviously Leah's :) She said that the tattoo just felt like an electric tooth brush on her rist.
Then it was my turn. I paid the man $80 and he brought me into the next room and had me sit on a bench. He washed my left foot and put the stensil on. It looked beautiful. Better than I had even imagined. I jokingly said "that was easier than I thought." I asked the man "How bad is this going to hurt?" And he said "It will just feel like a cat scratch on a sun burn." "Hmm, that doesn't sound too unbarable" I thought. The first few seconds weren't too bad. After about 3 seconds it was aweful. Cat scratch on a sunburn? Think about that a little harder. Cats scratch deep and it hurts. When he went over a bone I could feel the vibrations crawling up my leg. It was agonizing. As soon as he was done, it just felt like bad sunburn. It was so beautiful. Even when it was swollen and slightly bloody.
Leah and I left screaming needle very happy. They are very clean and if I ever decided to get another tattoo, I would definately go back.
My tattoo took about 2 weeks to heal before I could treat my foot normally again. I still absolutely love it and I will tell you why....

Forgiveness is such a beautiful word. Every time I look at my foot I remember what Jesus did for me on the cross. I don't have to carry the weight of my sin. I can learn from my sins and move on.

My tattoo has given me opportunities to witness to people. I was on the bus a few weeks ago (because I still can't drive) and a man asked me what my tattoo meant. I got to tell him that I was forgiven by God because he sent his son to die on the cross. It was so cool.

I don't think tattoos are a sin. Especially one that has such meaning. I honestly think God laughs when people make big deals about tattoos. Leah and I always joked about how one day when we are at the gates of heaven God will tell us that we have beautiful tattoos and that we used them to glorify Him.

I had quite a few people tell me that I made a mistake when I got a tattoo and that I should regret my decision or that I will regret it someday. How could I ever regret God's amazing forgiveness? People who say this baffle me. Thank you for reading this :)

"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool."
~Isaiah 1:18