I'm definately not the first person in the world to go through this, I'm sure every high school graduate on their way to a far away college goes through something similar.
I'm definately going to miss my family. We don't always get along the greatest but we love eachother. I'm pretty sure life isn't going to be even half as amusing without them. I'll miss lame jokes with my mom. I'll miss Beccas long stories that don't usually have a point to them. I'll miss Sarah always putting her limbs all over me when I'm trying to relax. I'll miss laughing at how ghetto our family is with Rachel. Oh, and I'll miss singing and dancing with my dog, Miley, because she's part of the family too!
I'm going to miss my friends too.
I'll miss old camp stories with my engineer friends.
I'll miss hearing about "the cute boys" with my middleschool friends.
I'll miss regroups and deep discussions with my college friends.
I'll miss being offended and made fun of by my heathen friends.
Part of me just wants time to stand still. I just want to stay in this moment for the rest of my life... Because that means I'll be home. With my family just down the stairs and my friends just a few miles away.
In 13 days I have to grow up. I have to be independent. I have to leave my life behind me.
But you know what? I'm ready. I really am.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
What the Heck am I doing with my life?
Over a year ago God placed the burden of human sex trafficking on my heart. I thought for the longest time that He was going to use me in some way to help the women and children who have been put through trafficking, prostitution, rape, etc.
This burden was taking over my whole being. The fact that there are people out there who could take advantage of another human being in that way was something I just couldn't stand; something I can't stand.
A couple months ago, I went on a mission trip to Jamaica. We did puppet shows in the schools and I completely fell in love with the children. For the last couple months I thought that God was trying to show me that I was meant to work with children and NOT victims of human trafficking.
In a few Middle Eastern African countries there are about as many children as there are adults. Think about it. A person can only be a child for about 18 years, right? And people can live to be 90 years old sometimes. The sad truth is that many African people die as children. I really thought that I was meant to do something about this... I had no idea what I was suposed to do though. I strongly believe that with my extreme squeem and shakiness that God does NOT want me to do anything that involves giving people vaccinations and any other medical help. So how else was I suposed to do something about this? The truth is, I'm not going to be a doctor! There isn't much I can do to treat the sicknesses people face in poor countries like the Congo and Uganda.
I don't blame God for all the confusion I've had to deal with the last few months. He's been screaming at me to listen to Him and I've been too busy listening to what I THINK He is telling me.
It sickens me to think that I actually tried to convince myself that human sex trafficking was something too big for me. It was something that I couldn't handle emotionally. It was.... endless excuses! What happened to "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."?
I feel that God wants me to work with victims of human trafficking; especially with children who have gone through this hell on earth. This is definately a blurred vision but I'm seeing things so much clearer.
Going to Jamaica was one of the best experiences I have ever had. God didn't mean for it to cause me so much confusion. He meant for it to open my mind to grow deeper in my ministry. My stupid human nature is just so good at ignoring what God has placed right in front of me.
This burden was taking over my whole being. The fact that there are people out there who could take advantage of another human being in that way was something I just couldn't stand; something I can't stand.
A couple months ago, I went on a mission trip to Jamaica. We did puppet shows in the schools and I completely fell in love with the children. For the last couple months I thought that God was trying to show me that I was meant to work with children and NOT victims of human trafficking.
In a few Middle Eastern African countries there are about as many children as there are adults. Think about it. A person can only be a child for about 18 years, right? And people can live to be 90 years old sometimes. The sad truth is that many African people die as children. I really thought that I was meant to do something about this... I had no idea what I was suposed to do though. I strongly believe that with my extreme squeem and shakiness that God does NOT want me to do anything that involves giving people vaccinations and any other medical help. So how else was I suposed to do something about this? The truth is, I'm not going to be a doctor! There isn't much I can do to treat the sicknesses people face in poor countries like the Congo and Uganda.
I don't blame God for all the confusion I've had to deal with the last few months. He's been screaming at me to listen to Him and I've been too busy listening to what I THINK He is telling me.
It sickens me to think that I actually tried to convince myself that human sex trafficking was something too big for me. It was something that I couldn't handle emotionally. It was.... endless excuses! What happened to "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."?
I feel that God wants me to work with victims of human trafficking; especially with children who have gone through this hell on earth. This is definately a blurred vision but I'm seeing things so much clearer.
Going to Jamaica was one of the best experiences I have ever had. God didn't mean for it to cause me so much confusion. He meant for it to open my mind to grow deeper in my ministry. My stupid human nature is just so good at ignoring what God has placed right in front of me.
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